Many people do not have very much experience interacting with or being friends with wheelchair users and so might not know some of the basic rules of what I am going to call wheelchair etiquette. Whilst a lot of this is common sense, it still seems to need to be said, as I have experienced or witnessed each of these things, often from people who are actually trying to help.
1. Don’t touch my wheelchair without consent
This is a very basic, yet important rule. My wheelchair, when I am in it, is an extension of my body. Being moved out of the way, or lifted up, without my consent is actually very violating. I have had this happen a few times in the last year: for example, once when I was waiting in the queue to checkout at the supermarket, someone just pushed me out of the way so they could get through, when they could have just said ‘excuse me’ and let me move, like they did to everyone else. This is something which makes me feel like a piece of luggage that is in the way, and it is very dehumanising.
2. Speak to the wheelchair user, and don’t speak for them
People often speak to the person accompanying a wheelchair user, and not to the user themselves, which is both dehumanising and rude. I also find this a little strange because using a wheelchair really only means you have difficulty with mobility or energy levels, yet people make assumptions that because you are using one you are unable to communicate.
This actually happens very regularly and is really frustrating. Once, however, it was slightly amusing when I was out with another disabled friend who had an automatic wheelchair, whilst I was not using my wheelchair because no one was around to push it for me. As we got onto the bus, the driver read me as the non-disabled friend, when in reality we were both crips together. If only he had known!!
When someone talks to you, the non-wheelchair user, as opposed to the wheelchair user you are with, it would be awesome if you could redirect the question to us, just to show them they should be talking to us.
3. Include us in your conversations
Sometimes, when walking in a group, the height difference between people walking and the wheelchair user can mean that conversations happen around the head of the wheelchair user, who can end up feeling a little excluded. This is something I still find a little strange to navigate, but because you often end up slightly in front of the group, or the person pushing you ends up slightly behind, either way one of you misses bits of the conversation.
It is important to appreciate this dynamic, if you have friends who use a wheelchair, so that you can keep in mind to include them in any conversation. It is also relevant when the group stops to look at something for a minute because, if you aren’t facing the group or what they are looking at, it can feel a little bit weird.
4. Listen to wheelchair users when pushing us
Something that I don’t think people always realise is how much trust it requires to let somebody push you in a wheelchair. You are literally handing over a lot of your decisions about where and how your body moves to somebody else. This means, as the person pushing the wheelchair, you need to let the user feel safe. To do this, it is important to listen to what they want. For instance, if they ask you not to move really fast, or to go in a straight line, it is important to listen to them, otherwise I have noticed that I begin to feel a little unsafe being pushed by them, and also a little upset that I have no control over how my own body moves.
5. We are wheelchair users, not wheelchairs
Something that I have noticed over time, particularly in airports, is that people call us wheelchairs when they are planning things for us. For instance it is, “Can you bring that wheelchair here?” and then they will point to me, in my wheelchair. This is the quickest way to make me feel like a piece of luggage and not a person. It is literally ignoring me as a human and only seeing the wheelchair. The polite way to say that would be “could you bring that person/her/my name/wheelchair user here?”
6. Inaccessibility is not our fault
I am lucky enough not to have had this, but have talked to people who have. When something is inaccessible and we cannot get to it as a wheelchair user, we are not the inconvenience – it is the inaccessible place that is the inconvenience. I don’t know about other people, but in a group, I often feel guilty when people have to change plans because of a lack of access or because of the wheelchair, even though it’s not my fault. So having people add to that guilt is both unnecessary and incredibly unfair, because you can guarantee that the wheelchair user is feeling a lot worse about the inaccessibility than you are.
Recently, when visiting my friend in Germany, we had to change the way we did a lot of things because of my wheelchair. For instance, my friends were in love with the e-scooters you can rent, but as a wheelchair user, I could not use them, so we had to settle for using public transport – a more boring option. Although I’m sure that this was disappointing for my friends, they did not grumble about it at all, which really helped the guilt that I was already feeling. Because, if I was not in a wheelchair, then I too would have loved to play around on the, ever so slightly terrifying, e-scooters! And this to me is really how it should be done and something I am very grateful for.
7. Don’t wee in lifts and do pick up dog poop
Yes, most lifts smell like pee, and it sucks, because as a wheelchair user I have no choice but to use those lifts. So if you need to wee al fresco (and trust me I get it, because paying for toilets is an outrage!), please find somewhere that is not a lift. All I can say right now is that, when I use a lift, I am very grateful for my facemask!
On a more serious note, please pick up your dog poop. This really affects wheelchair users and is truly disgusting. If your dog’s poop is left on the pavement, we may accidentally roll through it – and, if we self-propel, it will end up all over our hands. Worse still, if we don’t notice it straight away, we can even end up rolling dog poop through the house, onto carpets and flooring. And, once inside, it takes days to get rid of the smell! It’s gross, it stinks and, most of all, leaving it on the pavement is really unnecessary. Just pick up the poop, please!
We are just humans
I’m not really sure why people find it scary or are weird about interacting with wheelchair users. I have certainly had some very strange experiences with other people, as a result of my wheelchair: from the person who came right up into my face and gave me the same wave and hello you give to toddlers, to the person who came running from the other side of the mall to ask me, out of the hundreds of other people there, if I needed a cleaner because she was looking for a job.
At the end of the day, we are just people, sitting down and rolling, in much the same way as someone might sit on, or even scoot about on, an office chair – only our chairs have been pimped, so they are slightly more functional for the outside world!
By following these 7 rules for wheelchair etiquette, you can go a long way towards supporting wheelchair users when we are out and about. If you are unsure, just treat us like you would treat anyone else you met in the street – we all know that every human is different, so the wheelchair really is incidental!
From a personal point of view, it would be so refreshing if I could go out in my wheelchair, whenever I want, without the constant threat of another weird or dehumanising interaction.
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